Bit of a year... bit of a decade
New Year's Eve is in just two days. A lot of people have been reflective over the last month... comparing who they were at the beginning of the decade to who they are now. It seems only fitting to write a bit about it.
10 years ago I had recently met the ex (we had met that July), I was still living with my mother, bouncing around temp jobs, and kind of just floating. Things were never really settled for 25-year-old Danielle. 2010 was a year of real change but also choices that would, eventually shape the next decade of my life. I began working at the company that I still work for to this day and, a week later, moved in with the ex. I began severing ties with my family (because of him), and the downward spiral that my life would lead down was to begin that year.
Over the next 7 years, well... I would lose everything that I knew. Friends I held dear, my sense of self... every piece of me that I cherish would fall away. By the end of 2017, I was merely a shell of my former self... and a cracked shell at that. During 2018 I was able to seal that crack and start to fill it back up again.
2019 was definitely a year of change, but it was also the year of discovering who I am, where I belong, and that I have a future. I woke up on January 1st here in my NYC apartment. It's hard to believe that an entire year has passed already. It's been amazing, and scary, and thrilling, and terrifying... and I wouldn't trade a moment of it for anything. I've learned more about myself in this last year than I ever thought possible. I've been tested and put through the wringer. I've been at the end of my rope and pulled back again... a few times. I've met people who I thought were friends and turned out not to be. I've met people that turned out to be important pieces that were missing from my life. I've fallen down and dusted myself off... I've fallen down and not been able to get back up. I've cried. I've laughed. I've had more fun than I've ever had before, and been in such a deep depression that I couldn't see a clear way out.
Starting over is the hardest thing you can do. Whether it's leaving a relationship and having to rebuild, or moving out on your own for the first time, or even something as simple as sticking to a new diet... it's all hard. People will tell you over and over how hard it's going to be, but until you dive in for yourself, you just don't really see it. This year has definitely been hard, but it wouldn't be part of my life if it weren't.
As we head into a new decade, think about who you were 10 years ago. Not just what you look like now versus then, but who are you as a person. Everyone can see the physical changes, but only you know the changes that truly matter. This side by side is a perfect depiction of what I mean...
The picture on the left was taken August '09 while on a whale watch with the ex, exactly one month after we met. The smile is pained... uncomfortable. The picture on the right was taken a couple months ago here in my apartment. While I'm not smiling, the smile is in the eyes. The person on the left was not comfortable in her skin or with herself and thought she needed someone's approval to feel happy. The person on the right, while still not 100% comfortable in her own skin, only seeks her own approval. While physically I don't look like I've changed much, the difference is in the subtleties.
10 years ago I had recently met the ex (we had met that July), I was still living with my mother, bouncing around temp jobs, and kind of just floating. Things were never really settled for 25-year-old Danielle. 2010 was a year of real change but also choices that would, eventually shape the next decade of my life. I began working at the company that I still work for to this day and, a week later, moved in with the ex. I began severing ties with my family (because of him), and the downward spiral that my life would lead down was to begin that year.
Over the next 7 years, well... I would lose everything that I knew. Friends I held dear, my sense of self... every piece of me that I cherish would fall away. By the end of 2017, I was merely a shell of my former self... and a cracked shell at that. During 2018 I was able to seal that crack and start to fill it back up again.
2019 was definitely a year of change, but it was also the year of discovering who I am, where I belong, and that I have a future. I woke up on January 1st here in my NYC apartment. It's hard to believe that an entire year has passed already. It's been amazing, and scary, and thrilling, and terrifying... and I wouldn't trade a moment of it for anything. I've learned more about myself in this last year than I ever thought possible. I've been tested and put through the wringer. I've been at the end of my rope and pulled back again... a few times. I've met people who I thought were friends and turned out not to be. I've met people that turned out to be important pieces that were missing from my life. I've fallen down and dusted myself off... I've fallen down and not been able to get back up. I've cried. I've laughed. I've had more fun than I've ever had before, and been in such a deep depression that I couldn't see a clear way out.
Starting over is the hardest thing you can do. Whether it's leaving a relationship and having to rebuild, or moving out on your own for the first time, or even something as simple as sticking to a new diet... it's all hard. People will tell you over and over how hard it's going to be, but until you dive in for yourself, you just don't really see it. This year has definitely been hard, but it wouldn't be part of my life if it weren't.
As we head into a new decade, think about who you were 10 years ago. Not just what you look like now versus then, but who are you as a person. Everyone can see the physical changes, but only you know the changes that truly matter. This side by side is a perfect depiction of what I mean...
 |
| 2009 vs 2019 |
The picture on the left was taken August '09 while on a whale watch with the ex, exactly one month after we met. The smile is pained... uncomfortable. The picture on the right was taken a couple months ago here in my apartment. While I'm not smiling, the smile is in the eyes. The person on the left was not comfortable in her skin or with herself and thought she needed someone's approval to feel happy. The person on the right, while still not 100% comfortable in her own skin, only seeks her own approval. While physically I don't look like I've changed much, the difference is in the subtleties.
So share your memories. Share your pictures. Tell the world how much you've changed. Just remember the important changes are the ones that no one else can see.
Here's to another decade. May we all live the lives that make us happy... whatever that may be.
- Danielle
