Validation
Human beings are flawed individuals. From birth we seek validation and attention from those around us. I remember watching a video in psychology class in high school (could have been sociology as I took them at the same time, but anyway) that showed the facial expressions of a child when given attention vs being ignored. The camera did not show the other person, only the baby's face was shown. When given attention, the baby smiled, cooed, and did all the things that you expect (we've all smiled at random babies before, you know the faces I'm talking about). However, when ignored, the baby cried out a couple of times as if to say "hey I'm over here!" and then their face went sad. This baby, not even able to walk or talk yet, was seeking validation because they knew that attention equals happiness.
As we get older, we seek this validation in other ways. We want to be accepted by peers, recognized by those we look up to, and seen as a person of worth. For someone like me that bounced around friend groups constantly seeking approval because I never received any attention at home, this is something that's been difficult to outgrow. There's a lot of baggage in that area that maybe will get unpacked eventually, but for right now weighs very heavily on my heart.
In my mid - late 20s, I got to the point where I could say, "this is me and if you don't like it well fuck you." I no longer cared what people thought about me, started becoming the person I wanted to be... but still sought validation every chance I got.
"Is this ok?"
"Are you mad at me?"
"What can I do to fix this?"
My go-to response anytime someone says "hey can we talk?" is "I didn't do it" or "I'm sorry." It's ingrained in me... automatic responses as if to say "whatever it is, I'll fix it." The constant need to make everyone happy while making sure that the needed validation is still there.
It's a strange world we live in now where you can get almost instant validation and attention via social media. You post something or respond to someone and... BOOM... aaahhh, there it is. That need is fulfilled. But when it doesn't happen, the questions come: "oh no, what did I do wrong?" "why don't they like me?" "how can I fix this?" You want someone to reach out and say, "You're fine. Everything is fine," but chances are the people you want to hear from are feeling the exact same way.
Everyone, no matter how secure they may seem, feels the need to have someone say to them "I like you. You matter." So why do we think we're alone in this? Why do we think that there aren't any other people around us that are also seeking validation and attention? It's not because we're selfish or self-centered (though those people obviously exist). It's because we think that our need for validation is so singular that no one else could possibly be feeling as invisible as we are.
But the truth is that it's not singular at all. Everyone feels this way. There would be no social media junkies and "influencers" if it wasn't a universal thing.
We're human. We're flawed. And every flawed human wants to hear from another flawed human, "hey, you're cool." It's as simple as that.
So, hey, if you're reading this... I think you're awesome. Keep being you.
- Danielle
As we get older, we seek this validation in other ways. We want to be accepted by peers, recognized by those we look up to, and seen as a person of worth. For someone like me that bounced around friend groups constantly seeking approval because I never received any attention at home, this is something that's been difficult to outgrow. There's a lot of baggage in that area that maybe will get unpacked eventually, but for right now weighs very heavily on my heart.
In my mid - late 20s, I got to the point where I could say, "this is me and if you don't like it well fuck you." I no longer cared what people thought about me, started becoming the person I wanted to be... but still sought validation every chance I got.
"Is this ok?"
"Are you mad at me?"
"What can I do to fix this?"
My go-to response anytime someone says "hey can we talk?" is "I didn't do it" or "I'm sorry." It's ingrained in me... automatic responses as if to say "whatever it is, I'll fix it." The constant need to make everyone happy while making sure that the needed validation is still there.
It's a strange world we live in now where you can get almost instant validation and attention via social media. You post something or respond to someone and... BOOM... aaahhh, there it is. That need is fulfilled. But when it doesn't happen, the questions come: "oh no, what did I do wrong?" "why don't they like me?" "how can I fix this?" You want someone to reach out and say, "You're fine. Everything is fine," but chances are the people you want to hear from are feeling the exact same way.
Everyone, no matter how secure they may seem, feels the need to have someone say to them "I like you. You matter." So why do we think we're alone in this? Why do we think that there aren't any other people around us that are also seeking validation and attention? It's not because we're selfish or self-centered (though those people obviously exist). It's because we think that our need for validation is so singular that no one else could possibly be feeling as invisible as we are.
But the truth is that it's not singular at all. Everyone feels this way. There would be no social media junkies and "influencers" if it wasn't a universal thing.
We're human. We're flawed. And every flawed human wants to hear from another flawed human, "hey, you're cool." It's as simple as that.
So, hey, if you're reading this... I think you're awesome. Keep being you.
- Danielle
