Where do I go from here?

After only 2.5 months of writing, my book is done. All chapters are edited and posted and can be found right here. I'm still amazed I was able to do it, but I did... there's the proof. When I started writing it I just felt like it had to be written. I would lay down at night and words just started flying through my head. I couldn't sleep until things were written down. The story was screaming at me to be told.

I don't see my story as unique. On the contrary, I'm sure there are plenty of people who can relate and see themselves in it... having lived through something similar themselves. The thing is that stories about emotional abuse are rarely told. Many people in an abusive situation may not even be aware of it until they finally get out... if they're able to get out.

I've had people ask me what I hope for by writing this book, if I'll make any money off of it, or if I feel accomplished. Well, when it comes to the money question... yeah that would be nice, but it's not really the point. Do I feel accomplished? Yeah, I think so. I mean, I wrote this thing from my own brain, from my own experiences, and it's done. That's definitely something to be proud of. What do I hope for? This question gets a little more complicated.

What do I hope for by writing it?

I hope people read it and understand the nuances of abuse. I hope that having a story about emotional abuse will help to bring an end to stigma associated with it. I hope people feel inspired by my story.

That last one is a tough thing for me to say as I've talked at length about inspiration before, but it's true. If even just 1 person reads it, looks their own situation based on my story, and finds the strength to make a change then it will all have been worth it. I don't see myself as inspirational, but I think my story can be.

Writing this thing was an emotional rollercoaster and there were many days when I asked myself why... why are you doing this to yourself? But forcing myself to constantly relive it all helped me in a big way. I realized that I actually am stronger than I give myself credit for. I realized that I've not only come so much further than I thought, but that I actually really like who I've become. I also learned that my story, in its entirety, is apparently not believable (more on that later). I'm proud of myself and what I've accomplished. That's still hard for me to say, but I am. 

So what now? Where do I go from here?

Well, I guess I keep sharing, keep being open, and just keep living. Life doesn't end just because you've reached the end of the book. The credits don't roll in real life and there's no The End splashed across the screen. We keep going, we keep learning, we keep growing and fighting and changing every day. My story isn't perfect because I'm not perfect, but I think it's one that people can relate to... maybe even find comfort in.

I don't have a plan as to where I go from here. The world is chaos and my mind still plays tricks on me. But I know where I've been, I know how far I've come, and I know just how much life I still have ahead of me. 

::knocks wood:: 

There may not be a "fairy tale happy ending" in my future, but no matter what happens, I know that it's mine.

- DB