Like coming home…

There are times in our lives when things come along that fundamentally change us. If they change us for the better, then we’re constantly reaching for that feeling over and over again. We get a natural high from the feeling of it and just want to live in it for as long as we can. For me… I got to relive that feeling last night.

I’ve been very open the last few months about how much I’ve been struggling. This depression has been one of the worst I’ve ever experienced and it nearly ended me. If we were having this conversation in mid-July I’d probably tell you that there was nothing left to live for. I simply couldn’t see the light… I couldn’t see any way out of the hell I’d built up around me.

A friend, while trying to pull me back from the edge, reminded me over and over that there were things to look forward to in just a few months’ time. Tickets were purchased and it would make everything better… not perfect, but better. I couldn’t see it though. When you’re in total darkness, even the tiniest bit of light becomes engulfed. I knew I just had to get to October 7th, but at the time it felt so far away.

Last night, however, not only did I finally see the light but I actually feel like new life has been breathed into me. Being inside the Booth Theater, seeing some of my favorite people shine on stage, and being surrounded by so many people I hold dear truly felt like coming home. That’s what Freestyle Love Supreme is for me… it’s home.

The very first show I saw upon moving to New York was FLS during their off-Broadway run in early 2019. I’d seen videos online but didn’t understand the full impact of it until I was in the room. I had such a high from that night I don’t think I stopped smiling for about 4 days. Each and every time I’ve seen FLS, I’ve been able to rekindle that feeling over and over again. I’m not grasping at air and coming back with nothing. I’m reaching for love and being filled so much that I overflow with joy.

I know I’m not the only one that feels this. Many of the friends I’ve met through going to FLS shows feel the same way. For me, right now in this moment, FLS came back at just the right time. It’s like the universe knew I needed them and… here they are! It’s hard to fully put into words everything I’m feeling this morning but I know that this feeling will last.

I know I’m not fully out of this depression and I’m still battling demons that no one knows about. However, in this exact moment I feel alive… and that’s what’s important.

- Danielle