Visual meditation
Tonight I was meditating with a specific purpose in mind - letting go. As I sat down and began breathing, a visualization started playing out and I found myself narrating it. Instead of continuing, I decided to stop and write it out instead. Here goes nothing…
It’s been so long since I’ve stepped foot out of the warehouse that I didn’t even realize how comfortable I’d become. I know it’s time to step away, but leaving is never easy. With one last look around the office, I stand up from my desk, gather my things, door off the light, and lock the door behind me. I glance around the warehouse - there’s still so much work to be done. How can I ever leave while things are in such disarray? The thoughts creep in, but I push them down. Yes, there’s still work to do, but it doesn’t need to be a full-time job anymore. At this point it’s mostly just clean-up, the majority of the organizing having already been taken care of. As I walk through the shelves piled high with boxes, I think back to how cluttered everything was when I first got here. There may still be more to do, but you should always leave a place better than how you found it.
As I’m walking, I pause in front of the vault - the impenetrable vault that takes up so much space I wonder how it got here in the first place. Although, now that I’m really looking at it, it seems smaller than when I first started working. Has it shrunk? I didn’t think that was possible. Maybe it just seemed so large because I was so desperate to see what it held inside, but now that I’m leaving it doesn’t matter as much. I reflect on what it could contain but the mystery no longer consumes me.
I continue towards the exit and pass the long wall of file cabinets perfectly organized by year and alphabetized. Wow! It may not seem like much to someone else, but I’m proud of what’s been done. I can look at those files and know they are perfectly preserved where they need to be, only to be called upon when the time calls for it. They are no longer cluttered in dusty boxes piled high ready to tip over at a moment’s notice. I turn the key in the top right corner, locking the files up tight, knowing that I can access them if I need to, but trusting in myself to have the knowledge of what they contain without having to dig deeper.
As I tuck the key into my pocket and get to the door, I take one last look around. What once seemed like an impossible task has become but a passing blip of my life. I’ll still pop in every now and then to pick up here and there, make sure nothing has fallen too much into disrepair - but I know those visits will be few and far between. I wipe a tear from the corner of my eye. These are not tears of sadness or regret - these are tears of joy, gratitude, and pride.
“Goodbye,” I whisper as I turn out the lights and lock the door behind me.
- Danielle
