"... but there will be alcohol."
Let's start this one easy... not everyone drinks. Sounds like an easy enough thing to understand, but even when people know your history they still tend to preface things with, "... but you can drink," or "alcohol makes everything better."
My mother was an alcoholic. I remember very vividly the moment I realized it, or at least knew that what was going on wasn't normal. I was probably 11 or 12... I'll leave it at that. She had an accident in June 2010 that stopped her from drinking for almost 2 years and she can now have 1 or 2 and be fine, but the damage was already done. If we're using specific terms here then I am what you call an adult child of an alcoholic. I didn't drink for the longest time because I knew the effect. I saw it first hand. But life happens, and shit happens, and genetics kick in. You realize that you're turning to alcohol for comfort and think, "shit, I don't want this."
My ex-husband is an alcoholic. He drank a lot when we met and it got increasingly worse as the years went on. When every vacation, every Saturday outing is scheduled around breweries and wine tastings and literally anything alcohol related, it weighs on you. When your alcoholic partner is also abusive, you begin to equate alcohol with bad memories. At the end of a long day, you no longer say, "damn I need a drink!" and instead think, "I could use a hot bath." Alcohol loses its "comfort" factor when it's related to abuse in any form.
Now, this is not to say I don't drink at all, but it's never my first go-to thought. If I'm out to dinner either solo or with people, I might have a drink or two. If I'm celebrating something, sure let's toast. But when you have my history, it's not something that you keep around the house. It's not something that will make you go, "oh, there will be alcohol? Then count me in!"
Trying to get someone to go somewhere by saying, "... but there will be alcohol," is not always the best choice. Maybe say, "we'd love to have you," or "it won't be the same without you." It's the holiday season which means parties and lots of drinking, but if we remember that drinking is not everyone's go-to, maybe we can all enjoy each other's presence a little more.
So before you pop that bottle of champagne, or uncork that wine, think about the people around you. It's perfectly ok if someone says they don't want to drink. It's perfectly ok if someone skips a party because they don't want to be around drinking. It's perfectly ok not to partake.
- Danielle
My mother was an alcoholic. I remember very vividly the moment I realized it, or at least knew that what was going on wasn't normal. I was probably 11 or 12... I'll leave it at that. She had an accident in June 2010 that stopped her from drinking for almost 2 years and she can now have 1 or 2 and be fine, but the damage was already done. If we're using specific terms here then I am what you call an adult child of an alcoholic. I didn't drink for the longest time because I knew the effect. I saw it first hand. But life happens, and shit happens, and genetics kick in. You realize that you're turning to alcohol for comfort and think, "shit, I don't want this."
My ex-husband is an alcoholic. He drank a lot when we met and it got increasingly worse as the years went on. When every vacation, every Saturday outing is scheduled around breweries and wine tastings and literally anything alcohol related, it weighs on you. When your alcoholic partner is also abusive, you begin to equate alcohol with bad memories. At the end of a long day, you no longer say, "damn I need a drink!" and instead think, "I could use a hot bath." Alcohol loses its "comfort" factor when it's related to abuse in any form.
Now, this is not to say I don't drink at all, but it's never my first go-to thought. If I'm out to dinner either solo or with people, I might have a drink or two. If I'm celebrating something, sure let's toast. But when you have my history, it's not something that you keep around the house. It's not something that will make you go, "oh, there will be alcohol? Then count me in!"
Trying to get someone to go somewhere by saying, "... but there will be alcohol," is not always the best choice. Maybe say, "we'd love to have you," or "it won't be the same without you." It's the holiday season which means parties and lots of drinking, but if we remember that drinking is not everyone's go-to, maybe we can all enjoy each other's presence a little more.
So before you pop that bottle of champagne, or uncork that wine, think about the people around you. It's perfectly ok if someone says they don't want to drink. It's perfectly ok if someone skips a party because they don't want to be around drinking. It's perfectly ok not to partake.
- Danielle
