Isolation
I've been very depressed over the last few weeks which has caused me to retreat into isolation. This is perfectly normal and many people feel the need to do this when depressed or anxious or just general sad about something. We all cope with things in different ways.
For me, the need to isolate stems from my teenage years. From the age of 13, I was practically taking care of myself and made to feel like a burden on those around me. Yes, this caused me to be very independent from a young age, but it also caused me to isolate. When everything you say is met with a response of "get over it" or "what do you want me to do about it?" it creates a wall that you build up around you. When that starts at a young age, it makes you a very hardened adult.
Now, this is not to say that I'm not fully open... I think this blog has proven that I am. But now 20-some-odd years later, I'm much more closed off when I feel as though my current state will bring others down. I feel the need to keep most of what I'm feeling, if it's not positive, to myself. I may confide here and there or full-on vent to a friend if I just can't take it, but for the most part I'll say "don't worry, I'm fine," if I feel like my words and feelings are becoming a burden.
Over the last couple of years I've tried to be better about this, and, to an extent, it has gotten better... but there is still room for improvement. When I was with the ex, everything I felt was put on the back-burner, but he also kept me isolated and cut off from friends and family. He made it so he was the only person I could confide in, but never allowed me to open up or vent. So when I finally broke free from him, it was a difficult transition for me.
The answer to that question is simple yet extremely complex: change the way you think. If someone has proven that they are willing to be a good friend, trust it. However, just because you are there for someone does not mean they will always repay the favor.
I think that's an important distinction... cautious, but open. Not everyone you meet is going to be willing to be there for you in the way that you need. Don't open up to every random stranger, but don't keep yourself closed off and isolated either. The walls we build around ourselves are self-made. We make each brick from the words and reactions that people in our past have given us. Some walls are harder to break down. Maybe we've had people try, fail, and walk away. Maybe we've had people try to scale the walls only to be shot at with a cannon.
However we defend ourselves from rejection and heartache, it is all self-made. The only way to stop the cycle is to trust. Trust that the people you choose to have around you genuinely do care. Trust that they're genuine when they say "I'm here for you." Trust that if they want to get over that wall, they will do anything in their power to do so.
The people who want you in their lives will make it so, and those are the people worth letting over the wall.
- Danielle
For me, the need to isolate stems from my teenage years. From the age of 13, I was practically taking care of myself and made to feel like a burden on those around me. Yes, this caused me to be very independent from a young age, but it also caused me to isolate. When everything you say is met with a response of "get over it" or "what do you want me to do about it?" it creates a wall that you build up around you. When that starts at a young age, it makes you a very hardened adult.
Now, this is not to say that I'm not fully open... I think this blog has proven that I am. But now 20-some-odd years later, I'm much more closed off when I feel as though my current state will bring others down. I feel the need to keep most of what I'm feeling, if it's not positive, to myself. I may confide here and there or full-on vent to a friend if I just can't take it, but for the most part I'll say "don't worry, I'm fine," if I feel like my words and feelings are becoming a burden.
Over the last couple of years I've tried to be better about this, and, to an extent, it has gotten better... but there is still room for improvement. When I was with the ex, everything I felt was put on the back-burner, but he also kept me isolated and cut off from friends and family. He made it so he was the only person I could confide in, but never allowed me to open up or vent. So when I finally broke free from him, it was a difficult transition for me.
How do you adjust to being on your own when you've relied on someone for so long and yet they were never there in the way you needed them?
The answer to that question is simple yet extremely complex: change the way you think. If someone has proven that they are willing to be a good friend, trust it. However, just because you are there for someone does not mean they will always repay the favor.
Be cautious, but open.
I think that's an important distinction... cautious, but open. Not everyone you meet is going to be willing to be there for you in the way that you need. Don't open up to every random stranger, but don't keep yourself closed off and isolated either. The walls we build around ourselves are self-made. We make each brick from the words and reactions that people in our past have given us. Some walls are harder to break down. Maybe we've had people try, fail, and walk away. Maybe we've had people try to scale the walls only to be shot at with a cannon.
However we defend ourselves from rejection and heartache, it is all self-made. The only way to stop the cycle is to trust. Trust that the people you choose to have around you genuinely do care. Trust that they're genuine when they say "I'm here for you." Trust that if they want to get over that wall, they will do anything in their power to do so.
The people who want you in their lives will make it so, and those are the people worth letting over the wall.
- Danielle
