How much sand can you fit in your jar?
I've had people ask me how I stay positive with everything I've been through. My usual response is, "what choice do I have?" While that's true, it's a little more in depth than that.
When I was 18, I remember saying that I'd already been through more than someone my age should go through. Then I turned 21 and things got worse. By the time I was 30, I was laughing at my 18-year-old self. Now on the brink of 36, I finally understand why I am the way I am and how I cope with life from day to day.
Let's play a game:
*note: this is not something I created, but something I've seen done and have played around with a bunch*
Picture a jar. Any jar. It's your decision what it looks like as the jar is you. You pick the size, shape, color... whatever you want because that jar is you. Got it? Ok, now fill that jar with everything that's on your mind. Things you have control over, things you don't have control over, what worries you, what you love, etc. Whatever is on your mind on a daily basis should go in the jar. Maybe give each thing a different color or shape to distinguish between them (I've seen this done with different colored M&Ms if that helps). Got everything in the jar? Great! Now, start filling that jar with sand. How much of the sand can you fit in with everything else? A little? A lot? What if you take out the things you have no control over? Can you fit more sand in? Now take out anything toxic... toxic friends and relationships. Can you get more sand in the jar now? How about general worries we can't do anything about (we all have bills to pay)... more sand? What's left in that jar when just the happy things and the sand are there? I bet you got a lot more in there than you thought!
What was the point of that? I'll break it down...
The jar is you. It represents you and everything you take on outside of yourself, be it good or bad. Everything you put in, aside from the sand, are the things that take place in your heart and head. The sand is your soul, your essence, who you are as a person. When you started to take out the things that you can't control and the toxicity in your life, you were able to fit more of yourself inside.
That's how I approach life in a nutshell. I have no control over my past. I have no control over whether I pay bills or not (sure I can stop paying them, but there are consequences). I have no control over that jerk who wouldn't give up their seat on the train or didn't hold a door open. None of that needs to take up space in my head/heart/jar. So if something pisses me off or annoys me, I fume for a bit... and then let it go. It does me no good to fill my head with negativity that I have no control over.
When I was 18, I remember saying that I'd already been through more than someone my age should go through. Then I turned 21 and things got worse. By the time I was 30, I was laughing at my 18-year-old self. Now on the brink of 36, I finally understand why I am the way I am and how I cope with life from day to day.
Let's play a game:
*note: this is not something I created, but something I've seen done and have played around with a bunch*
Picture a jar. Any jar. It's your decision what it looks like as the jar is you. You pick the size, shape, color... whatever you want because that jar is you. Got it? Ok, now fill that jar with everything that's on your mind. Things you have control over, things you don't have control over, what worries you, what you love, etc. Whatever is on your mind on a daily basis should go in the jar. Maybe give each thing a different color or shape to distinguish between them (I've seen this done with different colored M&Ms if that helps). Got everything in the jar? Great! Now, start filling that jar with sand. How much of the sand can you fit in with everything else? A little? A lot? What if you take out the things you have no control over? Can you fit more sand in? Now take out anything toxic... toxic friends and relationships. Can you get more sand in the jar now? How about general worries we can't do anything about (we all have bills to pay)... more sand? What's left in that jar when just the happy things and the sand are there? I bet you got a lot more in there than you thought!
What was the point of that? I'll break it down...
The jar is you. It represents you and everything you take on outside of yourself, be it good or bad. Everything you put in, aside from the sand, are the things that take place in your heart and head. The sand is your soul, your essence, who you are as a person. When you started to take out the things that you can't control and the toxicity in your life, you were able to fit more of yourself inside.
That's how I approach life in a nutshell. I have no control over my past. I have no control over whether I pay bills or not (sure I can stop paying them, but there are consequences). I have no control over that jerk who wouldn't give up their seat on the train or didn't hold a door open. None of that needs to take up space in my head/heart/jar. So if something pisses me off or annoys me, I fume for a bit... and then let it go. It does me no good to fill my head with negativity that I have no control over.
That is one of my favorite images that I always remind myself of if I'm struggling. We have things we want to hold onto. Maybe that toxic friend who was there for you at a time when you needed them, but now they're only causing harm. Letting go may be the only way to help yourself. We don't need to be constantly surrounded by the toxic people and things in our life. If we let them go, we can enjoy the good things that surrounds us.
Listen, the world sucks and people are crazy. We know this. We can be as positive as we want, but it's never going to change that fact. We only have control over how we, ourselves, approach life on a daily basis. Some random stranger being a jerk? Who cares. Are you ever going to see that person again? In this city that's highly unlikely, let's be honest. So you can't control them, but you can control how they make you feel.
So let go of what you can't control. Let go of the negativity and toxicity filling your jar. If you can do that, you'll be able to fill your jar with more sand and be able to be the person you're meant to be.
- Danielle
