You're stronger than you think
Anyone that's been following this blog for a while knows that I've been working on a memoir. Well, I am happy to say that the first draft is complete and has been read by a few friends. After receiving some amazing feedback from people (thank you!), I decided to make the writing a little more proactive. I came across a website that allows you to write, edit, and share chapters of a work as you're completing it. I thought this could be a great way to get my voice out there for more people while also giving me control over what is released and when.
The working title as of right now is From Voiceless to Vocal and it can be found here for anyone interested in reading it. Currently there are 4 chapters up and I'm hoping to have more by the end of the week. If you like what you've read or have some feedback, please rate/review on Inkitt. The platform is 100% reader run so without feedback from those actually reading it, there's no way for the story to gain any ground.
Writing this book as been the hardest and most cathartic thing I've ever done. Delving back into years and years of trauma, revisiting things I'd forgotten about, and having to dive deeper into places that I haven't thought about for a long time is both hard and easy at the same time. One benefit I've found is that it's been easier to move through memories the more I allow myself to think about them. It's not just a matter of getting the words on the page, I have to then reread it over and over and over and over again. Each time I read a difficult passage it gets a little easier.
It's almost as if this experience has been healing in its own right.
I struggled with PTSD long before I ever met my ex. The things I endured during those years simply made it worse and gave me new levels of trauma to work through. No amount of therapy or talking things over with friends has ever helped me in the way that writing this book has. Forcing myself to relive things on repeat is like a crazy form of immersion therapy... but it works!
If you're suffering from a past trauma, or anything really, this is my suggestion to you: write it down! That's it, just write it down. Yes, talking about things is absolutely 100% a great way to work through issues, but when you talk about something there's no way to revisit it. That's why I suggest writing it down. It doesn't have to be anything formal or public... it just needs to be written. Then read it! After you've written it down, read it again and again until it simply becomes words on a page.
Now, this isn't going to work for everyone. If years of therapy have taught me anything is that what works for one person may not always work for someone else. But all I ask is that you try. If it works then great! If not, then at least you tried.
Trauma is a tricky business and what might cause one person to develop PTSD may mean nothing to someone else. Just because something has affected you in some way does not mean that you're weak or too sensitive. It just means that you're human. We all have different coping mechanisms and ways we react to things... I think the last 5 months have proven that. Never feel like you're not strong enough to handle something just because it affected you in a certain way.
To quote my best friend who gave me these wonderful words of wisdom a few months back:
You are stronger and more badass than you give yourself credit for.
Never forget that.
- DB
