Bravery
For the last 2 years, I’ve constantly had people tell me how brave I am. Per usual, I shied away from it. I didn’t understand how anything I was doing was brave. I feel like we all have an image in our heads when someone uses the word “bravery”, right? Maybe you picture someone running into a burning building or a soldier on the battlefield or someone going through chemo… people who are fighting things. To me, that’s what bravery has always been, but I’m coming to realize that it’s definitely more than that…
Bravery can be the person who steps out of their comfort zone after years of hiding. Bravery can be the person who tries something new. Bravery can be the person who challenges themselves no matter how many times they fail.
Think of someone you know that you think of as brave. Why is that? What is it about them or what they’ve done that makes them brave? I have mine (a few actually) and thinking about the steps they’ve taken and why I think they’re brave makes me smile. I suppose people put me on that list to. I mean, I moved to the craziest city in the world without any support system and I’ve definitely put myself in situations that I never would have previously. So maybe it’s time that I stopped shirking away when people call me brave.
Why all this bravery talk? Well, yesterday I went on my first date in nearly 3 years. I hadn’t been on a date since I left my ex (I’m not counting #YayHamlet guy because I don’t know what that was) and I was rightfully terrified. I changed my outfit 12 times, worried about coming off weird or crazy, and just made myself sick from anxiety and anticipation. But at the end of the day, I had nothing to worry about. It was a perfectly pleasant afternoon and I was comfortable just being myself because, let’s be honest, I’m fucking awesome😉
Last night, however, I received a text from him saying he didn’t think there was any chemistry and good luck on my search. At first, I was taken aback. I always assume when people use “chemistry” as a reason to not see someone that it’s just a cop out for something else. Immediately I assumed that I’m just not pretty enough or thin enough, that I’m too weird or too extra. I spun for about 10 minutes and then said, “Wait, why does this matter?” I was actually able to bring myself out of the spin by realizing that whatever his reasoning, whether it actually was chemistry or if he was just using that as an excuse, it doesn’t matter. I like who I am and, really, that’s way more important.
I started thinking on this over and over again until I realized that a year ago (or even 6 months ago) I would have stewed on this for weeks. I would have gone over every moment of the day and tried to pinpoint where I went wrong, what I said, what I did… everything! I would have made myself crazy trying to figure it out. The fact that I spun and then was able to tell myself that it didn’t matter says so much about my growth this year.
I’m proud of myself for getting out there and putting myself in an uncomfortable situation because, let’s be real, dating during a pandemic is like trying to row a canoe up river while battling the flow of a waterfall… it’s insane and impossible! But I tried and was able to find peace within myself. Sometimes that’s all you can ask for.
So I pose this to you, my dear readers, do something brave this week. Put yourself in an uncomfortable situation. Try something new (even if it’s just a new food). Do something daring (but safe, please!). Bravery comes in all shapes and sizes and we should honor that part of ourselves.
- Danielle
