I got Covid
Well, it happened friends. Not only did I get Covid but it was an ordeal. I’m putting a trigger warning at the top of this because Covid PTSD and pandemic fatigue are real so I don’t want to inadvertently make anyone upset or uncomfortable by reading this. If you are struggling, please proceed with caution.
I am backing this story up to when I assume was exposed. Let me first say that I am vaccinated and boosted. The 2nd vaccination shot made me very sick. I had a fever for about 48 hours and could barely get out of bed. When I was boosted in November, I also got my flu shot at the same time and was then laid up in bed for 4 straight days. Needless to say, I thought I was good to go… then I went to the movies.
On December 16th, like the nerd I am, I went to the very first showing of Spider-Man No Way Home. I’d been to the movies since they re-opened so I wasn’t at all worried about it. It was a crowded theatre (obviously) so I kept my mask on the whole time, but I was still wearing a cloth mask (more on this in a minute). While I had my mask on, though, people around me were eating and drinking so there was less protection.
The following day, Friday the 17th, I met up with friends that night to see Freestyle Love Supreme (yes, again!). One of them handed me a KN95 mask and said, “No more cloth masks. They don’t do anything.” From that point on, I was only wearing KN95s. Flash forward to Monday morning (we’re now at the week of Christmas) and I wake up with a sore throat. I didn’t think anything of it and simply assumed it was allergies or that my radiator was making the air in my apartment dry or something. My nose was dripping into my throat so it must just be post-nasal drip. It couldn’t possibly be Covid after everything I went through with those shots, right?
Tuesday morning I decided to go get tested. I wanted to make sure it was safe for me to go home for Christmas (which I was scheduled to do that Friday). I walk to the nearest testing site, about 10 blocks away, and stand outside in the cold with everyone else looking to do the same thing. About 10 minutes after the scheduled start time, someone comes out and says, “It’s cold outside. If you want to test yourself at home, take this,” and she was handing out at-home tests. I was still convinced I didn’t have Covid so I took a test and went home. After swabbing my nose (which I hate!) the test was negative so I felt good to go.
A few hours later, I get a text from my nephew who lives in the city asking if I got tested because he tested positive. I told him that I tested negative and asked him if he’d talked to his dad yet, because he was supposed to be driving back home with me for Christmas. Another couple hours go by and he says he did… and his younger brother tested positive too. At that point, I knew that there was no way Christmas was happening this year. I had tested negative, but other members of my family hadn’t. Eventually I got my dad on the phone and he explained they’d all been exposed so we decided to just put everything off for a few weeks until everyone was better. It sucked, but it made sense to keep everyone safe.
Meanwhile, I’m still testing negative up through Wednesday night when I took my 2nd at-home test. My sore throat, however, was getting worse. By Thursday morning I had no voice and I was majorly congested. But I had just tested negative the night before. Obviously this is just allergies or something like that. There’s no way I have Covid.
Friday night and Christmas Eve, I make the last stop of the year to the woman I’ve been cat sitting for. I’m definitely sick at this point, but still didn’t think anything of it. I had no fever and it was still really just congestion. By Christmas morning on Saturday, though, I knew something was wrong. I was sick. I texted her immediately and said that I shouldn’t come by until I can get tested which I wouldn’t be able to do until the following morning. I then spent the majority of Christmas Day sleeping. I could barely hold my head up.
Sunday morning. Boxing Day. I walk, again, to the nearest testing place, get a swab up my nose, and ask for an at-home test as well. She reluctantly hands me one when I tell her I work for an elderly woman and I go home hoping against hope that it’ll be negative. However, after only seconds it turns positive. Shit… shit shit shit. I’m devastated. 2021 was not the best year by any means and this was just the icing on the cake of a bad year. I had plans… I had things I was going to do the final week of the year going into 2022. I had tickets to see the final 2 FLS shows before they closed and went on tour. I was supposed to have brunch with a friend on New Year’s Day. There were plans and those were scrapped.
I was angry. I was sad. I was gutted. It felt like what little happiness I had was completely taken away and that I was simply the unluckiest person on the planet.
I told those I’d been around so that they could get tested and then just prepared to be home for the next 10 days. I placed a huge grocery order, emailed my job… I went through all the practical things you’re supposed to do. When all that was done I sank as far as you can sink, really. Physically I was really sick, but mentally? Mentally I was a complete mess. By the time the PCR results came in a couple days later, I didn’t even have emotion to respond with. I knew it would be positive by the way I’d been feeling, and I was already in isolation. Getting that positive really meant nothing at that point.
Isolation.
When you live alone, don’t really know your neighbors, and all of your friends live elsewhere, getting sick is the hardest thing. You’re already isolated from the world so that you don’t get anyone else sick, but then you’re just… alone. There’s no one to take care of the little things that need to get done (despite how sick I am, Mojo still likes to be fed). I had people asking if I needed anything, if they could send me things, but the stubborn independent person that I am told everyone no. “No, thank you, I’m good. But I appreciate you asking.” I’ve never learned how to let people help me and that makes things really hard when you literally can’t do anything but stay inside your own apartment.
The days went on and my symptoms eventually improved. After about a week, my congestion mostly cleared up and my coughed eased. Now 2 full weeks after testing positive, I’ve gone from spending the whole day coughing to clearing my throat a thousand times a day. It doesn’t sound like an improvement, but it definitely is. Here’s the kicker though…
When I finally left my apartment this past Thursday, I was filled with so much anxiety that by Thursday night I had made myself sick from it. After being in isolation for so long, going out into the world, into busy stores, onto the subway was too much. I had errands to run so I had no choice, but it was beyond stressful. All I wanted to do was climb back into my safe little bubble at home and never leave again.
That’s the hardest part… re-entering the world after what you’ve just gone through. You know that you’re keeping yourself and others safe by distancing and wearing a good mask (or any mask for that matter), but others don’t have the same courtesy. The couple times I’ve been on the subway the last few of days, I am still seeing people without masks… despite the more than numerous signs posted everywhere and PA announcements telling you that it’s required.
It’s frustrating. I don’t want to get sick again. I’m honestly not even sure my body could handle it again. You see, I don’t have a diagnosed immune deficiency, but I have a weak immune system. It’s a very long story for another day, but I tend to get sick when others don’t and my body reacts differently to things than “normal” people. So when I see people not doing the bare minimum to keep others safe, it’s really really frustrating. We are nearly 2 years into this pandemic and it’s like we’ve started all over again. And yet, there are people who still haven’t learned.
As of yesterday, I’ve been retested and my rapid was negative. I am awaiting the PCR results, but I am assuming that will finally be negative as well. We have a belated Christmas Eve planned for this upcoming weekend and I am hoping against hope that we don’t have to reschedule again. I want to see my family. I want to hug my nephews. I want all the merriment and celebration that we had to miss out on because of this variant that is tearing its way through everyone.
All this to say… please be safe out there. People are still getting sick and yes, people are still dying. Those ending up in ICU beds and dying are unvaccinated. If you haven’t gotten yours yet, it will literally save your life. If I hadn’t been vaccinated and boosted, I’d probably be dead right now. That’s not being melodramatic… it would have killed me because I truly don’t think my body would have been strong enough to fight it off.
Getting sick has been more than just a physical thing. The mental gymnastics you go through are enough to make you never want to leave your home or talk to another person ever again. Those who have had to isolate completely alone (and I don’t mean isolating in a separate room in your home, I mean in a home by yourself) know what I’m talking about. It’s the same things I was feeling in the first few months of the pandemic in 2020. You forget that there actually is a world outside of your little bubble. You forget there are other people. Not in a “I’m the only person” kind of way, but in a “I’ve been by myself for so long I don’t know how to interact with others” kind of way. You end up tapping into the darkest parts of yourself and try to find any way to bring light into your life.
Yes that sounds overly dramatic, but spend 10+ days 100% by yourself while sick and see how you feel at the end. No one coming to your door to see how you’re doing. No one bringing you medicine or food in bed. You’re alone… just you and your thoughts. I think those who don’t live alone don’t fully understand what that means.
I’ve come out the other side and I’m grateful for that, but there has definitely been a trauma response in my body from what I went through. It’s just more trauma to add to the pile, but it’s there and it’s something that I now need to work through. I wish everyone reading this health and safety. Things are really hard right now and I have a feeling it’s going to get a lot worse before it gets better again.
Take care of yourself.
Take care of others.
Be safe.
Love you.
- Danielle
