Who rescued who
It’s hard to believe that just a week ago Magnus joined our little family. He’s so comfortable with me and Mojo now that you’d think he’d always been here. Seeing the two of them play as Magnus tests his limits just warms my heart so much. I barely have the words for it at all.
After the book was released, I found myself in a weird place. This thing that had been taking all of my focus and every ounce of energy for 5 months was gone. Sure, I’ve still been promoting it where I can, but the minute I hit “publish” it was over. Election anxiety took its place for the following week and consumed my attention, but even that eventually ended (THANKFULLY!). All that was left once those things were both gone was what I’ve been dealing with since March but had simply pushed aside: depression, anxiety, and loneliness.
I’ve been candid about this as these months have gone one, but I think I had almost forgotten how bad I had been feeling prior to starting the writing process. The day in, day out monotony of being home all the time, the anxiety of leaving the house, the terror in not knowing if your loved ones will remain safe and healthy… it can drive a person mad. Over the last 3 weeks I’ve been feeling myself slipping into a deep depression. Some days are fine, others not so much, but every day is a challenge where I ask myself, “Can I get through this? Can I go on?” I’ll be honest, on the really bad days I’ve questioned if I can go on.
Then last week this little furry ball of joy came into my life and I find I have a reason I smile every day. That isn’t to say that I’m not still struggling to get out of bed some days or that I don’t still turn to unhealthy habits (hello giant plates of food), but this tiny kitten has given me new purpose. He’s just a baby. He needs someone to take care of him, tend to him, show him that everything is ok. He doesn’t know that life is any other way than it is now. To him, this life that I’ve brought him into is 100% normal.
“Shhh, that’s enough out of you little dude. I’m still king here.”
I know I’m still going to struggle and as the next month comes and goes it’ll be interesting to see how I handle it. I feel like I’m always being tested in some way. Finally find friends and establish a life in New York? Well, we’re going to take all of that away now. Conquer you demons and write it all down to share with the world? Great, now you can deal with the anxiety you pushed aside for 5 months. Sometimes it feels that no matter what I do or how much I accomplish, there’s always something else waiting for me, something else waiting to test my resilience or patience or strength. But at the end of the day, no matter how hard it’s been, I have these two living creatures who need me.
A common phrase you see among those who have adopted pets is “who rescued who” and I never fully understood the impact of that statement until Magnus came into my life. He’s been the missing piece that my heart needed to feel whole again and he gives me purpose every day. Mojo has been my #1 since the day I brought him home 4.5 years ago and Magnus came along at a time when life just seems impossible.
I may have rescued him from the shelter, but he’s rescuing me from myself.
- Danielle
