"Voices all around, and you can never mute the sound..."
A friend shared this article about a month ago and I haven't been able to stop thinking about it. Take a few minutes to read it because it's truly interesting...
All set?
Ok, let's go...
As someone who has always had an internal monologue, learning that not everyone does was so surprising. Even as I type this, I can hear my voice saying the words in my head. When I read books, the characters all have voices. There's dialogue in my dreams, there's music playing all the time... people who don't have that must have very quiet lives.
The reason I keep thinking about this article, though, is in terms of the other voices that accompany my own on a daily basis. You know the ones I'm talking about... those negative voices you can't get out of your head. The ones that tell you you're a failure, or a loser... fat, ugly, useless... take your pick. Maybe the voice sounds like a parent or a school bully. Maybe it's your own voice. Maybe, for those that don't have the internal voices, it's more of a feeling or something abstract that's negative. No matter what it is or sounds like or looks like, everyone has it.
Well, mine sounds like my ex. This shouldn't be that surprising given the emotional abuse I endured, but it's very frustrating. When the negative voice is your own, you can kind of learn to live with it or try to tune it out. However, when it's the voice of someone who tormented you for years, it makes you feel like you'll never be free... even though physically you are.
Here's the kicker though...
In recent weeks, as I've been telling old stories more and more, that voice... his voice... has become less and less. Maybe telling the stories is helping to rid me of my demons... so to speak. Maybe it's all a manner of healing. Whatever the case, the voice is slowly diminishing. In time, hopefully, it'll disappear completely.
Something I realized last night is that his negative voice has been replaced by a positive one. Someone I know and admire... may even call a friend... but I find that I'm hearing this person's voice giving me positive feedback when I need it. An emotional hug and high five, if you will. It's new... and a bit alarming (sorry, couldn't help it), but I think it's what's needed. My mind created this little safety net for me. Like, "hey, we know you're going through some stuff and working it all out, so here's some positive reinforcement."
Why this person? I have an idea. Will I share who it is? NOPE! That's only for me to know. But the point is that the more I hear this person's voice as the positivity in my head, and the more I share my stories, the less I hear my negative abusive ex.
It's weird how it all worked out, but isn't that just life's way?
So tell me... do you have an internal monologue? Do you have several voices in your head? Or is it silence and just abstract colors or pictures? It truly fascinates me!
- Danielle
All set?
Ok, let's go...
As someone who has always had an internal monologue, learning that not everyone does was so surprising. Even as I type this, I can hear my voice saying the words in my head. When I read books, the characters all have voices. There's dialogue in my dreams, there's music playing all the time... people who don't have that must have very quiet lives.
The reason I keep thinking about this article, though, is in terms of the other voices that accompany my own on a daily basis. You know the ones I'm talking about... those negative voices you can't get out of your head. The ones that tell you you're a failure, or a loser... fat, ugly, useless... take your pick. Maybe the voice sounds like a parent or a school bully. Maybe it's your own voice. Maybe, for those that don't have the internal voices, it's more of a feeling or something abstract that's negative. No matter what it is or sounds like or looks like, everyone has it.
Well, mine sounds like my ex. This shouldn't be that surprising given the emotional abuse I endured, but it's very frustrating. When the negative voice is your own, you can kind of learn to live with it or try to tune it out. However, when it's the voice of someone who tormented you for years, it makes you feel like you'll never be free... even though physically you are.
Here's the kicker though...
In recent weeks, as I've been telling old stories more and more, that voice... his voice... has become less and less. Maybe telling the stories is helping to rid me of my demons... so to speak. Maybe it's all a manner of healing. Whatever the case, the voice is slowly diminishing. In time, hopefully, it'll disappear completely.
Something I realized last night is that his negative voice has been replaced by a positive one. Someone I know and admire... may even call a friend... but I find that I'm hearing this person's voice giving me positive feedback when I need it. An emotional hug and high five, if you will. It's new... and a bit alarming (sorry, couldn't help it), but I think it's what's needed. My mind created this little safety net for me. Like, "hey, we know you're going through some stuff and working it all out, so here's some positive reinforcement."
Why this person? I have an idea. Will I share who it is? NOPE! That's only for me to know. But the point is that the more I hear this person's voice as the positivity in my head, and the more I share my stories, the less I hear my negative abusive ex.
It's weird how it all worked out, but isn't that just life's way?
So tell me... do you have an internal monologue? Do you have several voices in your head? Or is it silence and just abstract colors or pictures? It truly fascinates me!
- Danielle
