This is not my story to tell

This is not my story to tell. 

That's what I said to a friend yesterday that opened up one of the most honest conversations I've had with someone in recent memory. The following is being shared with permission:

**certain parts of the conversation have been omitted such as names and conversations between that person and someone else**

                               

This started because they were so fed up (rightfully so) and shared something on social media. They simply couldn't hold it in anymore. It was sparked by something that a friend of theirs had posted, a following conversation from it that ensued, and just the bubbling over of emotions that resulted from it all. 

                

"If you don't understand what someone is going through, 

then you don't have a right to tell them how to react to it."

Repeat that sentence to yourself a few times until it sinks in. 

I am a white Jewish woman. I would never tell someone how to react to something that I, myself, have not experienced and I would never want someone else to tell me how to react to something that they know nothing about. Yes, we can walk a mile in another person's shoes and try to understand, but we can never fully understand until we've lived their life. 

                                                  

"... people don't have a right to comment on prejudices that have nothing to do with them."

I've experienced my share of prejudice, sexism, antisemitism... you name it. I've had people tell me that antisemitism no longer exists, but then change their profile picture to show "solidarity" when there's a shooting at a synagogue. People feel a need to say something to show that they aren't racist/bigoted/etc, but only when it suits them. If you're just speaking to fill up space, you're not adding to the conversation. It's nothing but white noise (literally) at that point.

I'm not saying that this conversation yesterday solved the world's problems... far from it. I simply reached out to a friend who shared something vulnerable because I wanted to show my support. It lead to a conversation that helped them get out what they needed to say and allowed me to be a supportive ally.

If it's not your story, don't just speak for the sake of speaking. Spread awareness, share resources, donate money, volunteer your time, sign petitions... share the stories from the people who have experienced this first hand. 

One more time for anyone who didn't catch it the first time...

Don't speak for the sake of speaking. 

If what you want to say will do nothing but add to the noise, maybe find a different way to say it. Ask someone who's been through it, tell their story, and share it with someone who wouldn't see it otherwise.

- Danielle