Destiny and free will: can they coexist?

Like the majority of the world, I spent the last 2 days soaking up as much Hamilton on Disney+ as I possible could. This show means a lot to many people and can mean different things to people as well. For some, it's just a beautiful work of art, for others it was life-changing. Sometimes it's hard for me to truly put into words the power that this show has and the real emotional response that it gives me.

But this post is not about Hamilton, even though I could write endlessly about what that show means to me.

I want to talk about fate. When watching Hamilton, I am struck by knowing the ending during the first song. No matter what happens throughout the course of those 2+ hours, you know that, in the end, Alexander Hamilton will be shot. Nothing he does or doesn't do will change that fate. Yes, this is a musical about something that actually happened, but when you give away the ending at the beginning, it almost becomes a secret. Everyone else on stage knows what's going to happen to Hamilton... except Hamilton himself.

Over the last 2 years I've played the "what if" game a lot. I've spent hours thinking about what my life would look like if I had done 1 single thing differently. Now, this really isn't the best way to live as you can't go back and change things. I fully believe that every decision we make is to lead us down the path we are destined for. If I hadn't gone through everything that I did in life, I wouldn't be the person that I am today. 

But my therapist said something interesting in our last session.

As I'm kind of going through this "what if" scenario, she says, "But if that happened, you wouldn't have met [name redacted]" to which my response was, "Oh course we would have still met... the circumstances would have just been different."

This can be a difficult thing for people to understand when I try to explain it, so let me break it down.

I 100% believe in free will. Human beings make the decisions they do based on nothing more than an inherent want to do so. If I turn left while walking in a park instead of right, it's because I wanted to. Orange or apple juice? Same thing. I've struggled with a belief in G-d for many years so it's hard for me to think that there is some omnipresent being that dictates how and why things happen, which makes believing in free will that much easier.

However, at the same time I believe that we all have someone looking out for us. Maybe you call it a guardian angel, maybe you believe in something else... whatever the case may be. Personally, I know who's looking out for me. When I make a decision, they send me signs to lead me down the right path. Sometimes I listen and things work out... sometimes I don't and they have to try again.

The decisions are my alone (free will), but I have people looking out for me to try and sway me down the right path (fate).

Again, it can be difficult to comprehend as they seem like contradicting statements, but it's always made sense to me. Every decision we make leads us down a certain path. If the choice we've made takes us further from our path, then we get a little nudge back the right way.

This same concept applies to people. I fully believe that those we meet are meant to be in our lives, regardless of whatever path we've chosen. The only thing that changes is the circumstances under which you meet. So that "what if" from my childhood would have changed the entire course of my life, but certain people would still be a part of it because it was fated.

How you choose to live your life is up to you. If you believe in fate and destiny or you believe there's someone pulling the strings, you're still making a conscious effort to believe in something. I moved to NY because it was like a siren call that I couldn't ignore. Sometimes signs are so loud that they keep you up at night, sometimes they're more subtle.

I don't know where fate is leading me or what's at the end of my journey. Maybe there's a group of people somewhere singing a song about me telling the world how I'm going to die and I'm the only one not in on the secret. Maybe the signs I receive are leading me to my doom or to a better life. We don't know until we reach the destination. 

Life is always going to be a mystery, but if you pay attention to the signs, maybe you can figure out the ending before everyone else does.

- DB