A commitment to myself
2020 was what it was. No one needs to say it… we all know. There won’t be a magical switch at midnight on the 31st where all of a sudden everything is fixed, but hopefully 2021 will see brighter days. I learned a lot about myself this year. Not just while writing the book, but simply being alone and having to learn how to be ok with that. My limits were tested and I feel like I made some really great strides this year… despite everything that’s happened.
At the beginning of 2020 I had said I as going to “live with intention.” I wanted to make the most of my time while still allowing myself to be ok with downtime. I wanted to have some kind of purpose for what I was doing and why. Well, given how things went this year that didn’t exactly work out too well. It happens, though. I mean, show me one person who is doing exactly what they said they were going to do at the beginning of 2020. I’ll wait 😉
No one knows what’s going to happen in 2021. Maybe everyone will get the vaccine and we’ll be able to start moving back towards normal life. Maybe it’ll just be more of the same that we’ve been dealing with for 10 months… no one knows. All I know is what I have control over and all I have control over is myself.
I’ve been shaken up pretty badly this month but I can’t control any of what’s happened. All I can control is how I choose to react to it. I can sit and stew and scream to the universe “WHY?!?” but that doesn’t do anything. I can retaliate and respond to every horrible thing said… but that doesn’t do anything either. So for 2021, I’m making a commitment… to myself! I don’t want to set goals because then if I don’t reach them I’ll be upset. It’s the same reason I never use the “R” word this time of year either. I simply want to try more. I want to try more and I want to try more. I want to not just give up on a day because I tripped over my feet getting out of bed. I want to do more with the downtime within my little world than just staring at screens.
2 years ago I came to this city to start my life over. I think we can say I’ve done that. 2019 was my fresh start. 2020 was the year of conquering my demons. 2021 will be the year that I commit to myself… mind, body, and soul. I want to nourish myself and appreciate myself and know that things aren’t always going to be perfect. Days are going to suck and sometimes you need that pint of ice cream. Other days will be better. It’s the balance of it all and learning how to live within that balance. That’s all I want right now. I want to learn how to live within the balance of life instead of the all or nothing.
I’ve spent so much of my life beating myself up over not being perfect. But perfection is a myth and a subjective one at that. All I can do, and alI have control over, is how I treat myself. I can live in an angry, jealous, resentful place with hate in my heart… OR I can live in a peaceful, gentle, calm place with love in my heart. I always tend to lean into the glass half full side of life so this feels like a no-brainer. I’ve given too much of myself to the things that don’t matter and that does nothing but making me sink. It’s time to grab onto the things that help me soar.
I wish you all happiness, love, and peace in the coming new year.
- Danielle
