Be the lotus
Do you ever have a moment where you look at your life and think, “Wow, things are pretty great!”
I had one of those last night. Maybe it’s this post-election high that a lot of us are feeling. Maybe it’s the relief of the book being out in the world. Or maybe it’s just because I’ve finally started to let things go and move on. Whatever is causing it, though, I’m loving this feeling.
There have been many times over the last 2 years (especially in the last year) where I’ve looked at things and people in my life and felt incredibly grateful. Gratitude is an important thing to practice every day. For a while I was ending every journal entry with 1 thing that I was grateful for that day. Some days were harder than others and all I could come up with was “hot shower” but at least it was something. It forced me to look around and realize that there’s always something to be grateful for.
This feeling right now, though, is more than just gratitude. There are certain people in my current life that I owe so much to and I will always be grateful for their support and friendship, but this goes beyond that. I am finally accepting of myself, my life, and my journey. Any musical theatre fan can scream, “NO DAY BUT TODAY!” at the top of their lungs and try to live for now instead of dwelling on the past, but what does it mean to truly practice that? Because I overthink everything in my life, it’s always been hard not to dwell on the past. It also comes along with having PTSD (it is POST-traumatic stress after all). It’s hard not to think back on what I’ve been through that led me to who I am now. But here’s the thing…
Writing the book opened up all these new doors in my brain. It led me down paths that I didn’t realize had been closed off. I was remembering things long forgotten and dealing with the ones that never went away. I was facing them every single time I went to write or edit. Having to face these things head-on, I feel like I now have permission to move on. I don’t need to live in the past. I don’t need to let my past define me. I know who I am and, better yet… I like who I am.
Sure there are still plenty of things to work through, but that’s true for everyone. There’s no one walking around that is 100% completely sure of themselves 24/7. Everyone has doubts, fears, and worries. Everyone has things that keep them up at night and gnaw at them during the day. Everyone has a past. What I’ve been learning, though, is that defining myself by my experiences does nothing but put me inside a box. I built that box myself, labeled it, stuck myself inside, and sealed it up. By doing that, I was forcing myself to live with my trauma instead of learning to grow from it.
We can never grow if we continue to let our pasts keep us inside a box.
We can never grow if we keep holding onto things that are no longer there.
We can never grow if we don’t move on.
There are so many quotes I love that fall into this category, but I’ll leave you with some imagery instead. The reason the symbol for this blog has always been a lotus flower is because they grow out of the mud. This beautiful flower can only grow into what it’s meant to be by working its way through dark, thick, mud.
Be the lotus.
Grow through the darkness and emerge beautiful on the other side.
- Danielle
