I was only 10 weeks along... that's not a lot. I heard a heartbeat on an ultrasound, but I wasn't far enough along to know the baby's gender. We had 2 names picked out... after much debate... just so that we'd cover all out bases.

Today started my 2nd full week of being home during this crisis. Days have been varying, to say the least. There are moments where I forget, just briefly, what's happening... but it doesn't last. Some days I wake up and don't feel so depressed, whereas other days I can't get myself out of bed. I've cried, I've screamed, I've laughed... it's definitely an emotional rollercoaster.

I had a bit of a breakdown yesterday... and I'm sure it won't be the last. For me it's a combination of just the overall "what's going to happen" anxiety and "what happens if I get sick". Being a single person living alone, the fear of getting sick is real. I cried myself to sleep last night almost too scared to actually sleep.

I feel like I can speak for most in saying that anxiety is at an all-time lately. Life as we know it has changed and it's definitely an adjustment. With each day, each hour, we don't know what new development we'll hear.

I've talked a lot about loneliness before so I won't go into that too much. However, with the pandemic on our hands and everyone self-isolating and social distancing left and right (please keep it up!), this whole situation is bringing up all kinds of emotions for me.

I was never really one to believe in manifest destiny. The idea of "speaking something into existence" seemed foreign to me. Positive attitude? Hope for the best? Absolutely, but anything more than that just seemed like wishful thinking which can be fruitless. Then in early February something happened that I had joked about for a while and I kind of went "hmmmm, well then..." It honestly changed the way I looked at things. Is it possible to make something happen because you wish it? Did I speak this thing into existence?