Music has the power to heal, the power to move us, the power to reveal things about ourselves that we've never realized before. I've always felt a strong connection to music from a very early age, singing and dancing along to Disney movies. As I got older, I realized that the music I listened to would have a profound affect on me. Songs that made me cry or smile or yell or dance around in celebration. Music to calm me down when frustrated or lift me up when sad. I used to tell people that you could tell my mood by the music that I was listening to.

It's been 3 months since I last wrote about loneliness and as much as I'd like to say it's gotten easier, the truth is... it's gotten so much worse.

A month ago I had a health scare and it forced me to really make some drastic changes in the way I eat. They always say the first 30 days are the hardest in any kind of dietary or exercise regime and I can say for a fact, that it's 100% true. I've had many attempts at diets and exercise programs over the years. So many in fact that I can't even name them all. It was always for vanity reasons... I wanted to be thinner. That was it. I wanted to be skinny and, for that reason, nothing ever really stuck for long.

After years of people telling me that I should write a book, I've finally started. It's a crazy process, really. I always thought that if I did decide to write one, it would be about my entire life and I never felt that I'd be able to actually do that. This, though... this is just about the years with my ex. At first I was worried that there wouldn't be enough to write about, but once I started I just couldn't stop.

The last week has been hard... harder than I thought it would be actually. I always act as though my past is behind me and nothing ever bothers me, but that's so far from the truth. Every day is a struggle so when my PTSD is triggered or something from my past comes back to haunt me, it's more than a struggle... it feels almost impossible to keep going.